10 Most Obnoxious Golf Guys

Golf is a difficult game to play and it's made even tougher when you run into one of these guys:

1. Mulligan Guy--You've seen him in all his glory at the charity pro-am. No, this charitable chum can't just lay down a $20 bill and buy a couple of Mullies a side. He's throwing down some serious coin to buy multiple Mulligans so he and his buddies can take extra whacks to erase errant tee shots, shanked seven irons and duffed pitches. Better still, after all the do-overs, his group walks away with the first place trophy and Mulligan Guy is the celebrated hero.

2. Gambler Guy--He can't play without a little on the side and loves wagering on the links more than Philly Mick or MJ. Gambler Guy knows seemingly every way in the world to wager on the golf course. Nassau, Skins Game, Round Robin, Bingo Bango Bongo....and he wants to play it. If you reject any of these offers, he still wants to bet you. How about a tenski on whether you hit the fairway? or  Maybe 20 bones on hitting a six-footer for birdie. This guy will wager on anything.

3. Grouchy starter Guy--He's the old grubber who has the personality traits of Bobby Knight, Bill Belechick and Donald Trump. He reads all the rules and do's and don'ts with  the compassion of a pissed off  Marine drill instructor, so it's difficult to relax and hit a good drive on the first hole. Lighten up starter guy, it's just golf...

4. Party Guy-Instead of heading to the bowling alley to knock down some pins and brewskis, this guy loves to play golf and ride around in his cart drunk. Early morning tee time? Noooooo problem. This loveable lug usually hits the Bloody Marys and Screwdrivers first (for breakfast), because he typically has a rule of "no beers till after 11:00 a.m". Then, it's a hops and barley fest to the 18th hole. Mr. Party Guy can't recall what he shot for the round, but he knows exactly how many drinks and beers he consumed. The saddest part of the saga is he stumbles out of the golf cart only to get into his car and drive home-- a DUI just waiting to happen.

5. Scorecard Guy--He has to write it all down--the good, bad and ugly. He loves to scratch down a snowman for you when you start circling the drain. No matter how bad you're crashing and burning, he absolutely, positively must know what score you made on a hole. He also gets great joy in leaving the scorecard in the cart (with all of your doubles and triples), so the attendants at the clubhouse can laugh their asses off while they clean your clubs.

6. Bored Assistant Pro Guy--Typically, it's a washed up junior golfer who had a some good rounds on the AJGA, played  college golf and never won more than a few hundred bucks on the mini-tours. He's angry his pro golf career didn't pan out and you, Mr. Customer Golfer, are going to receive a great big dose of his bitterness. He hates you for playing golf while he's stuck behind the counter ringing up greens fees and folding golf shirts.

7. Ball Hunting Guy--When this guy sees a hole with lots of lateral hazards and forested OB, he gets really excited. His rationale: "Geez, it's like hunting for Easter eggs. I can't believe how many Pro V's I'm going to find." Forget the scorecard, this frugal linkster judges his round by how many premium golf balls he finds and stuffs in his bag during a round. Next stop for this budding entrepreneur is Craigslist where his "Like New golf balls" ad will bring in the big dollars.

8. Always Late for Tee Time Guy--This is the guy that texts or calls and says he's only a few minutes away and then shows up 30 minutes late. He's never at the first tee on time... never. Even when you tell him the tee time is 15 minutes earlier than scheduled, he still manages to be late.

9. Masters Logo Guy--His outfit screams, "I went to the Masters and you losers can't even get tickets to the practice rounds." He's got the obligatory matching hat and shirt with the simple but very identifiable logo, and, of course, the golf towel, divot repair tool and other accessories. The real serious Masters Logo Guy has saved the wrapper from his pimento cheese sandwich which he had while roaming the grounds of the Augusta National Golf Club.

10. Prepping For the Champions Tour Guy--If you see a guy in his late 40s and he's got  game, please don't encourage him by saying: "Hey, you ought to make a run at the Champions Tour." Champions Tour Guy just can't seem to enjoy a round of golf because he knows the clock is ticking and he's grinding so hard. He dreams of taking down Langer, Couples and Lehman one day.  Right now, giving beatdowns to 12-handicappers will do just fine till he makes it on Tour.

Top 10 Golf Cart Rules

If you think some people are lousy golfers, wait till you see them drive a golf cart.

When it comes to slow play, the golf cart, uh, I mean the clueless dolt behind the wheel, is one of the main contributors to this malady.

There's nothing worse than standing on tee box as you scan the fairway and see the twosome ahead of you driving aimlessly looking for a ball or chasing down a beer can that fell out of the cart.

Fact is, if you think lots of people don't know the rules of golf, rest assured, they have no idea about golf cart etiquette.

Here are 10 rules to follow:

1. Don't Sit in the Cart at the Tee Box--Sitting in your cart checking your cellphone for emails or putting on sunscreen while your playing partners are teeing off is rude and unsociable. You should be on the tee showing interest in others and keeping an eye out for wayward drives so you can find them quicker as a group.

2. Don't Drive Recklessly--Slamming on the brakes as you pull up to the next tee box, putting pedal to the metal on a downhill cart path and weaving down the fairway after a few too many brews can result in an injury to you or your passenger. Driving drunk in a golf cart is about as stupid as being blasted in your Beemer on the highway.

3. Don't Drive While Others Are Hitting--Be courteous and don't start driving with your rattling golf clubs during somebody's backswing. They may be a hacker and you might not respect their game, but that doesn't give you a license to be a jerk.  Be patient and let them hit before you hit the pedal.

4. Bring Clubs When In Doubt--There's nothing worse than people who leave the cart on the path, walk across the fairway, hit a crappy shot out of a bunker then realize they need another club. Especially near the green, you need to bring a couple of short irons if you have any doubt about which shot you want to execute.

5. Always Park in the Direction of the Green--Parking sideways on a fairway is especially costly if somebody on the tee happens to launch a long bomb in your direction. You're a sitting duck without protection if you're parked sideways.

6. Obey All Signs--If the sign says "Cart Path Only", guess what, that's what you need to do. It's all about respecting the golf course and the maintenance crew who are trying to keep it in top shape. Same goes for those cart direction signs near the green. Don't disregard them and cozy the cart up to the green. The instant you see them, head for the cart path. Also, when the pro at the club says, "90 degree rule today", don't drive erratically on the fairways and act like you never heard the request.

7. Use The Rake--Hey, you see that rake on the back of the cart. You need to use that to rake bunkers. It's not a decorative amenity. More important, don't forget the rake at the bunker because you'll probably need it again.

8. Be Courteous to Players on Other Holes--Be aware of golfers playing on nearby holes. For instance, don't zoom up to a green when a golfer on an adjacent tee box is hitting and you might disturb his concentration. Don't slam on the brakes while someone nearby on another hole is about to hit.

9. Don't Use Your Cellphone in the Cart--Be aware, the golf cart is not some soundproof room where you can blab endlessly to your wife or the poor slugs back at the office. Don't treat the cart like your "office" on the links where you can close a deal while everybody else is teeing off.

10. Don't Be A Slob--Leaving your golf cart full of empty beer cans, Snickers bar wrappers and cigar butts floating in your half-empty cup of soda just isn't cool. You don't have to leave it spotless, but show some class and respect to the people in the cart barn who have to clean up your mess.